A thriving spirit?

 1.30am.

Delving in and out of pains that is sometimes widespread or at times flaming right at my spine and knees - yet smiling away that 'the name of the Lord is a strong tower' (Proverbs 18:10). It gives me great joy, deep down in my heart that 'the righteous can run to it and be safe.'

So I went to check this chapter in Proverbs, also because the book has begun to amuse me with its various synonymous and antithetic parallelisms that I am pondering through while I begin my preparations for the TWR quiz for the year. And lo! at verse 14, my eyebrows heighten and a very knowing smile flashes out of me like when one has found a hidden gem in the garden he was digging. Solomon didn't have to go through lot of life experiences to say this one perhaps(idk), but on second thoughts his observations are so right, so profound time and again! Oh yes, when you are going through chaotic illness and medicines nauseate the last bit of sanity in you, the only thing that can strengthen your heart while your soul is swinging on the edge of life, is the courage that God puts in your spirit. It is the fire of hope that is lit by a purpose, or person or something that pushes you to hang on, rely on while you endure it in resilience. If there is anything that will thrust you into wellness, that will calm your nerves as the pituitary send signals to various departments to restart and function, it would be that strong spirit that you have moulded in the icy coldness of a spinning world. 

And the wise man questions with frowning brows - a crushed spirit who can bear?

Pause. We all go through crushing experiences.

Lost friends, lost parents, lost love, lost jobs, lost opportunities and the list goes on.

That day where your entire life collapsed before you. Maybe your whole community was torn apart and your people are still trying to find food or sleep amongst nonstop shelling and war.

Those traumas and aches that never go.

I know some of it because I was crushed when everything was going well. I was plucked from a blooming garden and thrown into the depths of Sheol. I have wished to die and questioned life and my purpose that looked all bleak and watery for several years. Crushed neatly inside and invisible outside. Well, that's what CFS/FMS/ Myofascial syndrome, disc bulges, counsellings-that-went-wrong did to my spirit that wasn't ready for such an ordeal. 

So where do we find the courage and hope to live from that point? No human could light that snuffed hope in me. It was, and is Christ alone. His presence is so lit! 

He works in ways we cannot see.

His thoughts are higher and way above ours.

He orchestrates evrything so that it leads to fruition of good things for those who trust in Him.

All those aches, traumas, headaches, impossibilities, are transformed by his power, wisdom and help. He fills His spirit into ours.

Photo courtesy: Family on Focus.

 And even while I blog this, i shift from chair to chair finding relief for the jabbing torment in the crux of my spine. Yet no complaints, the heart is so peaceful and rested in God's love. I've changed as a person, heavenly wisdom answered my questions and my entire perspective of life, dealing with illness, handling others as I rock through agony, has gone through a revolutionary shift. How could I endure this sickness? 

I can, because I believe that Christ's right hand holds me. If his word says we will endure it, then I read it as suffering for just a little while and He is working on behalf of me. Meanwhile what do I teach my heart and mind to do? To care for myself, to read things that uplift my soul, to laugh at the little joys of life, to fill purpose in the lives that roll by, to pray deep prayers, to love a little more and build my firm faith in God.

We need to strengthen our spirits. We need to trust in the One who made us for His wholesome purpose. We need to lift those lame hands and proclaim a Halleluiah! He will bear the weight if we will goto him and hand it over. Give him your worries and your questions and stay hopeful that he will answer. He will open roadways in the wilderness maybe in ways you may not have seen. So you need to simply trust!